Fragrance

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Pulling all stops!

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

All inclusive

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation. 
All generalizations are false. Including this one.

Lets watch

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Wrong side of the law

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

Geekdom

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Opposite values

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Quid pro quo

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 

High on morals

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 

Cho chweet

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute? :)

New meanings

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 

Voices in the head?

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! 

2 Idiots

Make it idiot proof and along comes a greater idiot.

Job definition

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done!

Running around in circles

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular 


I loved this one!

Subtle, Sublime

Today's subliminal message is [ ]

V(W)ow!

Ask me about my vow of silence

Modest expectations

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

Lead, Follow?

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. In fact, why dont you just leave me alone?

Sick of work?

I have exhausted all my sick leaves. So today I am calling in dead!

Walk a mile

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you will be a mile away and you will have their shoes!