Check and shoot

Man calls home. Maid answers phone. He says, "Can I speak to my wife?" She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend." 

"Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both." Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok." 5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok, they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?" He says,

"Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them when I get home."

She says, "We don't have a pool."

He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"

Advance notice

A Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."

But of course!

Real programmers don't document, If it was hard to write, it must be hard to understand!

In thing

You look like crap. Is that the style now?

Ogle-ogle

Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

The dog's mind

Why do dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving?

Life can suck...

All  the  desireable  things  in  life  are... either  illegal,  expensive,  fattening  or   married  to  someone else.

Thats how it is

To  err  is  human... to  forgive  is  not  Company   policy

Fix me up

Alcohol  doesnt  solve  any  problems .... but  if  you  think  again  neither  does  milk.